Astraea Redux
18 // f // tx // edge // i like your face

fifty-shades-of-irony:

Gordon Ramsay only has two emotions

  1. I’M ONLY TRYING TO FUCKING HELP YOU SO FUCKING LISTEN!
  2. No  no shhhh I was only trying to help please don’t cry.
gutterprince:

This is the scariest thing I’ve ever seen in my whole life.
outofthecavern:

malformalady:

Australian scientists have developed a pair of anti-shark wetsuits that make divers appear invisible by camouflaging their bodies in the sea and trick sharks into thinking surfers are poisonous. A team of researchers from the University of Western Australia joined forces with designers from  Shark Attack Mitigation Systems (SAMS) to create the suits. The blue pattern of the Elude suit can’t be seen by the shark because the fish are colour blind. While the stripes on the Diverter suit mimic the colours of poisonous fish to warn the sharks off.

YOU SEE THIS IS FANTASTIC. THIS IS WHAT WE NEED TO DO. NOT KILL SHARKS BECAUSE THEY’RE CURIOUS AND ATTACK US. WE’RE IN THEIR WATERS. WE’RE MAKING THEIR HUNTING GROUNDS SMALLER.
'

Imagine this:
Instead of waiting in her tower, Rapunzel slices off her long, golden hair with a carving knife, and then uses it to climb down to freedom.
Just as she’s about to take the poison apple, Snow White sees the familiar wicked glow in the old lady’s eyes, and slashes the evil queen’s throat with a pair of sewing scissors.
Cinderella refuses everything but the glass slippers from her fairy godmother, crushes her stepmother’s windpipe under her heel, and the Prince falls madly in love with the mysterious girl who dons rags and blood-stained slippers.

Imagine this:
Persephone goes adventuring with weapons hidden under her dress.
Persephone climbs into the gaping chasm.
Or, Persephone uses her hands to carve a hole down to hell.
In none of these versions is Persephone’s body violated unless she asks Hades to hold her down with his horse-whips.
Not once does she hold out on eating the pomegranate, instead biting into it eagerly and relishing the juice running down her chin, staining it red.
In some of the stories, Hades never appears and Persephone rules the underworld with a crown of her own making.
In all of them, it is widely known that the name Persephone means Bringer of Destruction.

Imagine this:
Red Riding Hood marches from her grandmother’s house with a bloody wolf pelt.
Medusa rights the wrongs that have been done to her.
Eurydice breaks every muscle in her arms climbing out of the land of the dead.

Imagine this:
Girls are allowed to think dark thoughts, and be dark things.

Imagine this:
Instead of the dragon, it’s the princess with claws and fiery breath
who smashes her way from the confines of her castle
and swallows men whole.

'
— 'Reinventing Rescuing,' theappleppielifestyle. (via ladysifs)

spoken-not-written:

penelopgarcia:

if they dont play ‘year 3000’ at least once on the new year’s of 3000 i will literally rise out of my grave and set everyone on fire

if they play it and someone says “wow i love the jonas brothers” i will set myself on fire

wifetodarkness:

If you ignore which vampire he was supposed to be playing, he actually made a beautiful one <3

tockthewatchdog:

mattheuphonium:

kim-jong-chill:

i need feminism because when jesus does a magic trick it’s a goddamn miracle but when a woman does a magic trick she gets burned at the stake

fabulous 

i mean they did also kill jesus. that was a pretty significant thing that happened. like i understand where you’re coming from here but they very much did kill jesus.

petecame-then-petewentz:

angryitalian:

Hey so if we have a mutual follow goin on, feel free to ask for my 

  • cellular number
  • snapchat
  • twitter
  • kik
  • skype
  • email
  • facetime
  • first born

you know, anything you want

first born

maybe even not mutual i’ll give you my first born any day

unicornery:

a guy I used to work with just e-mailed me this??

badwolfin221bbakerst:

syncategorem:

dopejonker:

we have to sacrifice someone so david bowie never dies

i think he said no, but im not sure, so lets go with yes